sri aman trip..

it's 12.30 in the morning and i just took a nice shower.. and now i'm in my room, in front of the laptop while drinking horlicks and eating a small bar of chocolate.. nice..

well, before i get on with my trip to sri aman, i want to pay tribute to a cat, who was murdered i may say, by my aunt in sri aman, just because she killed a chick.. i mean come on, it was just a chick and it's their nature to kill for food.. she didn't have to hit her till she died!! stupid aunt.. i was really hurt when i found out about it saturday.. that cat had always had a spot in my heart.. sad, knowing i'll never see her again.. i still remember the last time i played with her, she wsa just so adorable and cute.. gosh.. it's really unfair she had to died just like that.. just so unfair..





-mao mao (the cat who died and the one in white) and her kitten.. these are the only memories of mao mao that i have.. regret for not taking any pictures during chinese new year..

-may you rest in peace-

now on my trip.. we left at about 8 and stopped at golden arch cafe for breakfast.. my mum bought taufu fa for my grandparents because they really loveeating it and golden arch sells one of the best taufu fa in town.. so we continued on with the journey after breakfast.. reached there at about 12 something if i was not mistaken.. there were no dogs to greet us as usual because they all died but one due to some disease.. sad.. but they were two new kittens (mao mao's before she was killed.. now the poor kittens don't have any mum)

nothing much to talk about really since sri aman is really a laid back place.. i went to town at about 5 something and we went to kfc for dinner, sort of.. we were joined by my uncle from sri aman and my cousin.. apparently, she can really eat though she's kinda skinny.. haha.. i should've taken her picture.. amei amei (that's what i call her) don't really know how old is she.. older than me but by how many years i don't know.. it was there also i found out that my cousin who's studying in kl, actually is now in UK for holiday.. explains why he's not back here yet.. he's coming back on the 9th.. looking forward to that.. on the way back from kfc, what a sight!!



i'm sure you can't really see.. here's another one..



i wonder how much is the dog paying the taxi driver.. LOL..

went back and did nothing but online online online online.. went to bed at around 1 something after watching Last Comic Standing.. super funny and talented jokers on the show.. oh, and my another cousin who's a teacher, came back from his 3 months course edi.. he reached home last night round 10 something and it was great to converse with him..

in the morning, woke up early round 7 something due to a message from a friend who just had to wake me up to tell me that it's reporting day at Universiti Teknologi Petronas.. yada yada yada.. so i was up and running super early.. lol.. we left for kuching at about 10 and my grandpa was holding his tears back when i hugged and kissed him goodbye.. so was my grandma.. i hope this is not the last time i'm going back to sri aman before i go off to study.. heard that my aunt wanna go back again end of june.. really hope i can go back again..

on the way back, i saw a goat.. reminds me of stubborn goat.. lol.. and we stopped by at serian for lunch.. after that stopped by at some pot shop because my aunt wanted to buy some flower pots..

reached home around 2 something and went to chursh for sunday evening mass.. the sermon was great.. really fits what i really wanna hear.. and speaking of church, there's a book i saw in sri aman..



the book was about the favorite bible stories by certain people.. i didn't flip the whole book, but the page that i happened to flip on, really helps me learn something.. i flipped to a page where Michael Chang (a great tennis player in his era) chose the story of 'Joseph and his coat of many colors' as his favourite story.. it was about dealing with problems in life.. really was something that made me feel better.. must be God's plan to make me accidentally flip to that page seeing i was a bit down with life..

and here's some of the cat photos in sri aman.. i just found em.. lol..



this is one of the kitten.. lazy fella this one, always sleeping.. haha..



here's the other one.. really naughty this one.. always disturbing the other one sleeping.. lol..

here's some shot of them playing..





and here's the picture of the cat who's been taking care of the mother-less kitten.. jerry as they call him, is a male cat who's had his balls cut off.. he's now taking the responsibility of caring for them.. very touching when i first saw how he really cared for them :)



owh and this cat, really likes me.. likes to jump on my lap and asking me to stroke him.. haha.. cute really..

and another cat, lala.. also got his ball cut off by my that mean aunty..



here are some more shots on the kittens..



the lazy one.. lol.. and it's also the greedy one.. see how it dives in the container (to put the dog food) just to eat..




and here's the naughty one or i'd like to call, mimi.. lol..




well, that's about it for my trip to sri aman.. more contact with the animals than human but can't be helped, since there's no grand occasion so no one comes to my grandparents place.. i wish to go back one more time before i leave.. may it be granted..

-counting the days till i go and till the contract ends-

no wrong,, only right..

yeah yeah i'm in sri aman already.. and it's my last time here.. em, i'm not gonna be touching on sri aman today.. i'll blog about it tomorrow when i have my cable to put in some pictures and videos..

today i found out something.. believe me, it hurts as hell but what else can you do.. lol.. when one is self concious, then so be it..

anyway, what i found out today tells me that there is no such thing as wrong.. everything is right.. and i mean everything.. as long as we believe it's right, even if a million people says it's wrong, it's still right.. because we alone believe it's right and that's more than sufficient to prove it is right..

the only way to see if there's wrong, is when we ourself believe it's wrong.. otherwise, it is right.. so there is no wrong in whatever we do so we can just go on doing whatever we want to (i do not encourage murder, robbery or what we call crimes!!)

owh, and i'm watching last comic standing and some acts are super funny.. perfect tonic to unhurt yourself?? maybe.. ngahaha..

i'm trying to twist things around since i got kicked in the face by life today (wish it was mimi literally kicking me.. lol.. her toe's still not healed so she still can't kick me) and maybe twisting it isn't all that impossible.. and i believe if i can do it, so can everyone.. so why do some people have to commit suicide?? it is just not appropriate.. i'm sure anything and everything can be twisted around no matter how hard it is.. it all comes down to optimism ladies and gentleman.. somebody has got to start spreading optimism in this world..

and damn, it's really getting funnier and funnier the acts..

and and the sri aman's tidal bore festivl is gonna get bigger and better next year i'm sure.. with the nice viewing place they're making now, it'll be wonderful.. and i've decided on what i wanna do when i come back from studying.. i'll put sri aman tidal bore festival on the world map.. big plans for a small guy like me i know.. but hey, it's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind (i've always wanted to quote that!! not sure i got it right or not though.. lol..)

damn it, it is so funny this show!! damn!! that's it i'm going off now.. this show is just too damn good.. haha..

the 2 a.m. curse??

it's almost two in the morning.. and guess what, i'm awake.. and nope, no more stomach pain this time.. lol.. just can' sleep with all those things running around in your head.. how i wish they were cows.. i'm sure i'd fall asleep counting them.. i love numbers.. makes me sleepy..

i'm gonna go back to sri aman today, i guess.. provided no last minute cancellation then i'll be off before 8?? i don't know.. i'm done packing and all.. nothing much to pack considering it's only two days and one night worth of stay.. looking forward to getting out of town and just hit the village area.. out of civilisation?? i guess not considering there's internet(broadband) and astro to watch there.. the only difference is it's much more laid back and peaceful with the greens..

looking forward to go for a run with the dogs.. oh wait, they all passed away!! i totally forgot.. hopefully the cats are still around..and of course to chill with my grandparents.. most definitely, this is the last time they'll get to see me.. i pray that they will be able to see the day i come back upon finishing my studies.. they're not that young anymore but i really hope and pray they'll be able to see their grandson back with an overseas degree (and probably overseas accent while speaking to them??? LOL..)

and lately i'm feeling different.. i'm tired all the time.. is it the lack of sleep or some changes that has been occuring lately.. i don't know.. all i know is i'm always so tired nowadays.. affects the whole system really.. mentally, physically, psychologically and all the other possible -ly.. i don't know why.. but it has been happening ever since that day, come to think of it.. hmmm..

i'm still waiting for my cousin who's studying in kl to come back.. i wonder why he's not back yet.. if i'm not mistaken his break should begin already.. unless i'm mistaken.. though i really am looking forward to his return.. then i'll have so much fun because he is super funny, or rather i've good chemistry with him.. lol..

speaking of chemistry, i just realised how much i actually missed the subject.. heard some dude saying some chemical equation out this afternoon in inti and all that i know on chemistry suddenly whoops back in.. wonderful.. titration, neutralisation, metal displacement, acid base, transition elements, balancing of equation... damn i just miss chemistry!! lol.. now i regret not taking up science subjects from jpa.. sheesh.. but a me doing chemical engineering?? hell no.. lol.. i guess i'll stick to tourism though i've plans to switch to actuary science (without my parents knowing, if i have the chance) dealing with statistics and all would be fun; mean, mode, median, standard deviation, variance..

parents parents.. and mummy saved my life today, literally.. had she not called out my name when i almost got hit by a car while walking on the road without exactly paying attention (i consider head down while walking on the road isn't exactly a smart thing to do), i'd probably be a goner right now and won't be writing this.. lol.. though being a goner sounds kinda cool.. but i've got to admit, if i were to be a goner now, i'd rather because of swine flu.. i'll go down in history as the first sarawakian to die because of that.. pretty cool kind of death, rather than your usual hit-and-die kind of thing..

and oh ya, mara students got their letter edi (those who got the mara scholarships) i wonder when jpa would send mine out.. i really wanna know which country i'd be going to.. not USA i hope (swine flu!!) UK would be great cuz then i'll get to watch the premier league and wimbledon.. but australia would be fine since they have the australian open.. speaking of tennis, i'm thinking of getting back the groove and hopefully get to play some college tennis when i'm overseas.. doubt i'll pull it off but maybe it's worth a shot.. after all, we never know what God has in store for us.. haha..

sometimes i think life just kicks you hard in the face, no?? well, it happens and there's nothing you can do about it.. then again, nothing is impossible.. lol.. i think the next time i get kicked hard in the face, i'll twist it to the extent than i would feel i never get kicked at all.. sounds impossible?? maybe not.. oh well.. let's just try try try..

speaking of try, i'm trying my very best in one thing.. doesn't seem to be working.. probably i should just resign to the fact that it won't do and i'm sure you already made up your mind seeing what you did tonight.. leaving leaving leaving..

ah, i'm starting to get my optimism back though i'm still tired.. and i'm super sure i'll still be tired tomorrow (today) bad thing is i'm not gonna be able to go to church to be a hundred percent back.. hmm, when can i go i wonder.. maybe sunday evening alone at church would be brilliant.. yeah, i'll go alone... hope mummy doesn't tag along.. haha..

i guess i should try to get some sleep though i'm sure i'll be spending the three hours ride sleeping at the back of the car.. wonder if my cousin amy coming along.. makes no difference anyway.. though i'm sure she'll be OK to talk with, in a way.. i guess i don't talk much to her though i'm super close to her brother.. why o?? amy amy..

so i'm off to catch a train to lala land as one would say.. lol..

-hurt-

long day...

it's been a long day today.. woke up at 7 to eat breakfast then went back to sleep..

at about 11 something i got up and after michelle said there was club exhibition i called jd to pick me up.. took him super long to reach my place and we reached inti at about 1.. by then michelle was already moody..

left at about slightly before 2 and dropped michelle home.. then i was dragged by jd to follow him to look for mechanic.. i was super hungry and thankfully he brought me to mcd before going around.. went with some other nigerians and obviously i was the odd one out..

when i reached home, i took my shower and ws about to rest when suddenly my mum asked me to follow her out.. as tired as i was, i went with her.. and the best part probably was when we were walking back to the car and i almost got hit by one car for not looking at the road.. mind was somewhere else.. now i really wish i'd been hit by the car..

sometimes, you just get hurt by what someone does or say for that matter.. really hurts but all you can do is just retreat to a corner and lick the wound yourself.. if you don't want it anymore, just say so..

just say so

pain pain pain..

well, it's almost two in the morning and again i can't sleep just like yesterday.. for two days two nights now my stomach has been killing me causing me unable to sleep.. i don't remember doing anything that would cause my stomach to be in pain but it is and i can't sleep because of this.. how i wish the pain would disappear.. now i've to hope that i can fall asleep, just like last night which means i won't be a dead log till 3 something.. sigh.. stupid pain..

i'm looking forward to the weekends.. going back to sri aman.. gonna get to see my grandparents.. probably the last time i'll get to see them before i leave.. unless my parents would take me back during chinese new year.. or christmas for that matter.. lol..

oh and i got screwed by my mum this evening.. told her that when i go off to study, if there's a slot available for the course actuary science, i'll switch to that.. then she fired me and say you've chosen tourism so just stick to it.. don't switch here switch there.. lol.. i don't even know why i wanna switch.. must be because i guess actuary science would be more challenging with the statistics and all.. haha..

sometimes i do wonder.. wonder wonder wonder.. what is running through the mind... wonder wonder wonder..

nyah this pain is a killer.. i hope i get better when i wake up.. should pray for that.. ignored ignored ignored and act as if it's fine..

and next week, bad week.. considering that fat sister of mine would be taking the car away for a camp that she didn't have to get her nosy butt into.. i would love to throw stuffs at her really.. but i had a change of heart after mummy called her fat and and says 'aren't you fat enough??' today.. NGAHAHA!! good job mum..

gosh, can't wait for the weekend really.. good place to be taking a walk.. really would help to clear some things off the mind.. change in scenery usually helps.. so ya, can't wait for it..

screw this pain, it's getting worse.. though i hope that indicates i'll be better tomorrow.. i hope for the better, not the worst.. lol..

time time time..

and God, i need an answer.. and damn, i'm not going to church since i'll be in sri aman.. so i guess it's another week's worth of wait for that answer then.. sigh.. maybe if i pray twice as hard here compared to in church i can get one answer now?? lol..

that's enough crap from me i guess.. i'm gonna try to sleep now.. hope i can..

-18 years and 19 days, could you be the one??-

a walk to remember

it's 1 in the morning and i just finished watching one movie.. a good one, to me.. was an old one titled -A walk to remember-.. guess there are lots of things that i picked up from the movie.. but the main thing was how positive that girl was though she was gonna die..

she didn't looked at life differently.. she embraced the fact and lived her life to the fullest.. now i know it's just a movie, but if everyone is like her, then i'm sure the world would be a better place.. she continued as if she wasn't sick and never complained or told anyone about her sickness (she had leukemia) now some may think it's not easy to do that in the real life.. actually, it is easy.. only if one have faith..

faith.. another thing that i picked up from the movie.. the girl actually moved the guy, who never believed in faith, with her faith in God.. she has so much faith in God that she was never angry at God for her sickness (minus when she started dating the guy, though it was never specified if she was angry) probably it's her faith that made her positive..

one that really hits me was when she was lying on the hospital bed.. she said something about how she realised that this is how God has planned this journey for her (she was saying it positively) made me think, what's God plans for me?? (i hope it isn't lying on the hospital bed with leukemia)

i never really bothered about what His plans are to be honest.. i just live day by the day.. but now i wonder.. i know it's not possible to change what He has planned.. everything has been set out for me.. it just depends on how i get there.. i really wonder what lies at the end of the path that he has set out for me.. and i can't really make out the hints that He might have dropped off..

touching on my life, don't know what i'll end up doing with it.. i'll be re-starting my university life again in about a month or so.. i'll be taking tourism, something that may or may not be right for me, considering my brain capabilities.. people are telling me i should be doing medicine or engineering.. oh well, i guess i'll find out in the end whether it's the right thing to do.. i used to play tennis and was not bad at it.. up till now, i don't know whether i made the right decision to stop playing.. come to think of it, there are many decisions that i made that makes me wonder.. was it all part of God's plan for me, all these decisions i've made?? i really am curious to know right now.. though the only way i can find out is to continue walking till the end..

speaking of walk, i'll be off soon for a new chapter in my life.. and before i leave, i'd really love to take a walk, a walk to remember....

-love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and it is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in the truths. it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes-

my day today (sunday 24th may)

i just feel like typing (i know we have microsoft words for that) so i logged on blogger.. well, it has been a day.. normal sunday perhaps?? i don't know.. i can't exactly define normal.. i don't even know what's CORNY for heaven's sake.. lol..

anyway, my day started at 5.20 in the morning when i was woken up by my cat kitty who decided to spend the night out hanging out wit probably her other feline friends of the wild.. she came back at 5.20 through MY room window and as it was closed, she cried and cried and cried again till i opened it.. normally, i'd be ok with it but but due to her coming back at that particular time, it actually spoilt a dream i was having.. i was dreaming of eating burgers with mimi!! and kitty had to spoil it.. she was about to eat the burger you know kitty.. if you can read my blog i'm sure you'll feel guilty and won't be able to sleep soundly like how you are now.. ish..

the day got gradually better in a way.. went marketing with my mum and though i'd to wake up at 7, it was worth it.. i had american breakfast and kolo mee for it.. ngahaha.. super nice! then we went to sunday market and as usual i look at the sellers.. there was this beef seller that really was disgusting.. he was cutting beef for a customer, with his BARE hands, and wiped it on his pants and then he CONTINUED cutting.. so gross.. so unhygienic.. if i was working in the Health Ministry i'd stipulate that all butchers and sellers in the market MUST put on a disposable handglove for hygiene purpose.. when i went back, i continued sleeping only to wake up and find out mimi had her toe nail removed.. and she's in so much pain now and i can't do anything to make her better.. maybe it's about time i put my brain to use and study medicine and be a doctor.. sigh.. which i had the initiative to utilise my capability.. hope she feels better soon..

and i went to my grandma's (whom i haven't visit for 3 months though her house is nearby) for lunch.. had some prayers to commemorate my grandpa's death anniversary.. and i realised i really have a knack to get little kids to come to me.. maybe it's because i turn into one when i'm around them.. no!! i'm 18.. stop behaving like a kid!! and they just love to bug me.. went back and i think i didn't sleep in the afternoon, i don't remember.. must be the age factor since i am growing older..

went out with my mum in the evening.. and yes, i love it when she's super nice to me that she brought me to mcD though we had dinner edi at home.. and i took the chance to whack one spicy chicken mcdeluxe and one mcchicken.. not to mention one large fries.. i am guilty of gluttony so God, please forgive me.. though it was realy enjoyable (sorry God!)

went home and watched some movies (goal 2 and high school musical 3).. and now out of boredom i am telling you guys about my boring day.. oh well.. i guess in life there's two splits, boring or not boring..

i guess it depends on how one looks at it.. boring people live a boring life and people who really knows how to appreciate and enjoy life will live a non boring life.. simple equation really, unlike your add math equations.. though i've to say, add math, pretty easy, when you remove all those tough equations that is.. lol..

now i'm off to writing another post so adieu..

crossroad

crossroad.. i'm sure everyone will experience this in their life.. impossible for a person to live a life with a road so straight..

i've hit the crossroads a couple of times.. and once you decide which road to take, it seems like there's no turning back, minus a few occasionally rare U-turns that you might find along the road.. only then can you turn back and pick the road again..

couple of roads that i took i wish i could U-turn.. sure, the U-turns are there but but i doubted it would be a good idea for me to take it.. sometimes i wonder, why do i doubt taking the U-turn when i'm doubting even more the path i've taken is the right one.. it may not be the right path, but it may be the right thing to do by not turning back..

maybe because the obstacles on the path that i've taken are not big enough to deter me and to make me turn back though there are times i really wish i didn't take this road.. though i wonder, where would i be if i didn't take this road..

i guess i should just continue on the road i've taken and let things unfold.. then again, obstacles are always there no matter what the case.. exactly.. stupid me.. then i'm certain now the road that i've taken is actually the right one and i'll walk on it till i reach the destination..

true

I wont talk
I wont breathe
I wont move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I dont look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
Im attached to you
Im weak
Its true
Cuz im afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cuz my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You dont know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
Im afraid to move
Im weak
Its true
Im just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know u met me?

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

I know when I go ill be on my way to you
The way thats true

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

mummy lecture.. wahaha..

i went to get my ic changed today.. and i'd no car to go alone so i went with my mum.. so she was nice to bring me for lunch first.. then we went to simpang tiga to get my ic changed..

lady at the counter super friendly so so i gave her cemerlang when have to give customer response on her service.. super happy the fella when i give cemerlang.. haha..

then then on the way back kena lecture by my mum.. weird weird.. well, maybe not exactly lecture but lecture la that.. it all started when i forgot how and why, suddenly the issue respect came out.. then she gave a statement, 'you can pay money to get many things, but respect is something you have to earn'.. ceh, ada bakat my mum wanna be motivational speaker.. then from there she moved on to respect for you parents and say that if you don't respect them, you'll not get any blessings.. wa, i thought she was attacking me, no kidding.. terasa me.. check check she focused on my sis who always get angry at my dad one.. lol.. what a relieve..

then she shared something about almost 50 years edi and she never muka masam masam with her parents.. don't know la how true it is.. lol.. then she say maka last time her dad punishment damn extreme compared to how my dad is now la.. she said last time the dad will tie people up at the durian tree.. wa, i wanted to laugh when i heard that.. how la she can compare this zaman and that zaman.. for one, i'm sure there are no durian trees around my house for my dad to tie us up.. lol.. then she was saying something about they all last time super naughty and all la.. here she gave one story.. lol..

they (my mum and her siblings, 7 of them) were playing hide and seek and of all the place to play, they played IN the fish pond.. no my grandfather memang don't let them play in there la.. so happy happy they play and cari each other while screaming 'sine kau sine kau??(where you where you??)' biasa la hide and seek kan have to find people.. then then out of the blue pap, my grandpa appear with a rotan and start shouting 'tok nya aku!! (here i am!!)'.. ketawa i hear the story.. lol.. ya they all scrambled out of the pond and started running.. lol.. mummy mummy..

and she picked up something from me.. well i have an aunt who memang sombong la because she kaya and and her daughter is a doctor.. we call her mamak.. but i always call her mamak sombong la when i talk to my mum.. and normally my mum calls her mamak only.. then today suddenly she start calling her mamak sombong.. appu mummy.. since when???!!! ngahaha.. picking up things from me now aa you mum?? lol.. i'm super sure you'll miss me when i leave.. haha..

now now reflection.. what she said is true la.. it's definitely a must to respect your parents.. and yes, respect is definitely earned.. so mum, i think you can go and be a motivational speaker after you retire from teaching.. go help daddy with his talks and all.. lol..

and now i've to stop typing and get myself ready to go to INTI for meeting.. so lazy.. oh well, at least can go see mimi..

uncertainty..

uncertainty.. mixed feelings.. unsure.. are they all the same?? sometimes in life we get these feelings.. for some, they get these more than others.. in a way maybe it's good when it comes to making decisions to be having these feelings.. at least it shows you actually think which decision is the right one to be made though in the end you might not come out with one at all..

but what if it applies to something else instead of decisions?? it applies to say, an action.. after you did it then you begin to wonder.. was it the right thing to do, or the wrong thing.. the moment you realised, if it's for the better, it's fine.. but if it's for worst then probably you'll regret it.. would it be too late to regret if the consequences of that action is huge, negatively?? i guess it is when it comes down to that..

sometimes there might be no consequences at all but you'll still wonder.. and that's when it goes down to this: I DON'T KNOW.. this i don't know phrase, good or bad?? well to be honest, I DON'T KNOW.. but i guess when the time comes then you'll know and that's when we'll say I KNOW.. or some peeps who like to show they're clever, they'll tell you, I TOLD YOU SO.. lol..

uncertainty uncertainty uncertainty.. oh well.. best to let it be and let it unfold in front of you..

weather..

the weather used to be sunny.. then somehow it got a bit cloudy.. then it rained a bit.. just a light drizzle though.. then it became sunny again.. and then there had to be dark clouds.. there is still a bit of sunlight but it seems like a thunderstorm is coming.. you can actually feel that chilly wind blowing no kidding.. better put on a sweater or you might catch a cold.. foods need to be stocked up as well.. in other words, brace yourself for the thunderstorm.. hell no one wants to go out to look for food and other necessities in that raging thunderstorm..

sometimes the changes in weather actually is boring.. no kidding.. but so it seems the weather changes to suit the surroundings so deal with it.. but sometimes, those who have a preferred weather will get sick and angry for the changes.. idiots.. as if you can actually change the weather by being angry.. lol.. so deal with it.. some prefer sunny, some prefer rain.. though i'm sure some wonders, can there be a day with no weather at all??

i'm leaving..

yes.. i'm leaving INTI, my home, my loved ones, kuching and then in the end, i'll leave malaysia.. found out about it just before 12 midnight on the day of my birthday courtesy of a phone call from cyril janting.. thanks cy..

mum and dad's ok with it.. mum's super happy cuz she now has bragging rights since i'm the first from my mum's side to be sent for overseas programme.. dad well, he never seemed like he cared.. here's what he was telling me the other day before jpa results were released..

dad: you've only got two options from here on
me: what??
dad: one, you get the scholarship and GET LOST or two you stay here and finish studying in INTI..
me: em, ok..

when i told miss sentha about this conversation when i went to her house yesterday boy did she had a good laugh.. haha.. seems like my dad got his wish cuz now i'm really gonna get lost from this place..

speaking of miss sentha, i went to her house yesterday to tell her that i'm leaving.. she was shocked and surprised at first, then probably a bit sad but she said she's happy for me that i'm leaving.. then we had some other topics of conversations before i left for church..

my friends were all happy for me that i'm leaving.. was at soho that night with some of my friends when i learned about the news i'm leaving.. told them and they were happy.. somehow that night i wasn't happy..

things change when you know you're gonna leave.. people's view changes.. seems like everything changes..

i had mixed feelings when i learned that i was leaving.. there are certain things that i'd really love to let go but there are some that i just don't want to let go but i'm forced to.. part of me insists on staying and another part is roaring to go..

i've settled on going anyway because i guess i just wanna leave this place and certain things.. thinking of starting a new life abroad.. it's gonna be a bit to painful to come back because of one reason.. so i'm thinking of not coming back at all during the years i'm away from here though at first i wanted to come back ocassionally during the long breaks..

life is indeed full of twist and turn.. i had hopes of leaving but never thought i'd get it.. now it's given to me, i'm hesitating.. hesitation, something most of us are accustomed with..

i've embraced the fact that i'm leaving and the fact of losing certain things because of this.. probably this is the best decision for me to make, which is to leave.. for every action, there are consequences.. and for my action of leaving, the consequences are losing certain things that i don't wanna lose..

there are many things that i need to do before i go.. hopefully i'll have enough time to do all the things that i wanna do.. waiting for the offer letter which should be coming by this week or next.. from there i'll know when i'm going and then i can start planning on finishing the things that i need to do..

losing you is a fact that i have embraced

new sem..

well, new semester began yesterday.. wasn't really looking forward to it but nothing can be done.. anyway i left for INTI with alven at around 8 something.. when we reached we took our timetables.. and miss teng allowed us to do 6 subjects this sem (brilliant cuz now we're gonna finish the whole thing in 7 semesters instead of 8) we supposedly have class at 8 but no one went so we opted to go home and come back later for the next class.. it was management and computer application..

alven picked me up from home at around 11.45 and when we entered the class, we saw something or more like someone bad.. it was that noisy girl who's one semester ahead of us.. turns out she's in the same class as me in management and computer as well.. and she wasted no time to piss me off by making so much noise.. everytime miss teng said something, there will be a loudspeaker behind me retorting back.. normally i'd have a super high patience but i just recovered from sickness and it seems like i was still tense so i really felt like throwing stuffs at her so she'd shut up.. anyway, miss teng made me and alven class rep and we were dismissed after a half an hour due to no notes (people were saying they can't study without notes)

we then hanged out at the cafetaria as i was super hungry.. out of the 6 of us there, only me alone was eating my lunch.. after i had my lunch, i was messaging when nyko, who was sitting opposite of me made the stupidest remark ever.. she said my fingers were like a girl's fingers.. felt like throwing shoes at her.. stupid girl..

due to some reasons we later landed at china boy's house.. nice place with nice rules.. but some people obviously didn't observe it.. lol.. here was the rule..



and here was why it was broken..



and here's the offender, ashamed of what she did.. lol.. chun yian chun yian..



and now i remember why we went to china boy aka phil's house.. he wanted to fix the wireless thingy that we went to but together at wisma the other day.. it still wasn't working so we went there to bring it to the shop to get it done.. however, before we went he tried to see if he can make it work on his own, the tech geek wanna be..



obviously someone told him that the power of love can overcome anything so he tried to make the thing work with his girlfriend, han xiao, by his side.. well obviously that someone failed to state that the power of love thingy, doesn't work when it comes to computer stuffs..

and i saw something funny at phil's house.. he was using what we MALAYSIANS would call a portable potty, as a waste basket.. lol.. now i know people from CHINA assumes portable potty as waste basket.. phil himself admitted that he didn't know.. lol..



the portable potty turned waste basket..

anyway, he couldn't get thing done so we had to go to the shop instead to fix it.. we were there for quite a while and even the shop person couldn't do it.. he finally suggested that they bring their modem as well.. so alven had to rush from one end to the other end to make it in time as we have class at 4.. so as he rushed out, heused the wrong lane when going downhill from the saberkas car park.. if there was a car coming up at that time it wouldn't have been funny but there wasn't so we were laughing.. when we reached phil's house, he took the modem and alven drove super fast back to wisma.. then we went to wisma to pick his sis from school, drop her back home, get phil from wisma then straight to INTI for class.. we made it around 4.10 so it was fun.. class was dismissed in a while and we get to go back home..

as we were walking to the car, there was a funny (well, not so funny really) thing i saw.. a dead frog that got hit by a car..



now i see why in Malaysia we have the simpulan bahasa that says 'mati KATAK'.. lol.. i finally fully understood that simpulan bahasa now..

in the night, i got to spend some time with mimi at taman sahabat.. nice cuz it's been 2 weeks since i got to spend time with her..

oh and my day of fun in form 6 plan is ruined.. no thanks to my dad who doesn't allow me to go back for one day.. so thomas lau (st. joe principal) you're safe from that incoming paper ball..

and someone's mood has somehow been lifted back up slightly.. so not that moody anymore.. which is good..

before i end the post, here's a little something that mimi might be interested in..



PURPLE..

...

it's again 12 something at night.. and just when i thought i was gonna be fine, my blocked nose decided to come back and made me otherwise.. so once again i'm unable to sleep so i decided to let some things out..

new semester begins tomorrow.. sigh.. i seem to be not ready for it.. seems like i still wanna enjoy the holidays (not exactly enjoyable but the prospect of not studying is fun) anyway, another 4 months of hustle wustle it seems.. speaking about 4 months, no doubt this will be the toughest 4 months in my life, unless something happens.. i don't know whether i can cope with it.. asked God the other day for an answer.. i don't know whether i got one but i assumed i did when He made me feel calm.. real tough.. sigh..

another 7 days and form 6 begins.. i'll be going back to school for the first day only.. lol.. my mum says i'll wreak havoc in school.. seems like she finally understands her son.. lol.. here's exactly what she said, "habis la.. kecoh".. mummy mummy, i'm not that bad of a student ok.. besides not liking to tuck in and keeping the hair short and running around making noise, i make a fairly good student.. and that's why i would love form 6 in St. Joe.. definitely a no no to be in batu lintang.. two reasons.. one, my mum's teaching there so i gotta keep her reputation clean by being a goodie goodie which i totally despise.. two, it's such a disciplined school, something i've never been through before (St. Joe, do take it as a compliment.. lol..)

so it seems i'll only be looking forward to next monday.. definitely not looking forward to this particular sem's classes.. all so boring.. need someone to keep me awake in class!! but i do have a resolution of nailing at least 3A+ this sem, just to maintain my last sem performance.. so i guess i'll be awake and pay attention.. no more throwing paper ball in class i guess.. wait wait wait, hell no i'm not gonna throw paper ball.. IT'S DAMN FUN!! so watch out nyko, the moment you lay a finger on me in class the paper balls are gonna start flying.. mood mood mood..

speaking of mood, seems like someone's not in a fairly good one.. tough tough toughie tough.. feels so different.. oh well, i'm living and riding with it.. and with this attitude, one day you're gonna get annoyed with me as so it seems.. since i'm already making things hard for you.. anyway, everyday's a new day so how it passes has been decided by God.. reminds me of a hymn song (pius should know this)


Do not worry over what to eat,
what to wear or put upon your feet.
Trust and care go do your best today,
leave it in the hands of the Lord,
leave it in the hands of the Lord.

so i ain't gonna worry about it.. leaving it in the hands of the Lord..

oh well, seems like this blocked nose is killing me.. which it did so i don't have to suffer but no no, i'm not ready to die since there's some things left to be done.. so i quote bruce willis, 'live free or die hard'
reminds me of jason's stupid question, why live when you can die?? well mate, it seems i've found one super good reason to live, and i'm not sharing with you.. lol.. crazy crazy crazy..

things are just so crazy right now.. oh and i'll be going to the bus station on friday with jay.. will be accompanying him as he sends off his girlfriend who's going for matrix.. pity pity considering it's only a month's plus they got to spend time together.. lucky me i still have 4 months.. lol..

looking at the things here from a different perspective, it seems life is indeed full of twist and turns.. and it's up to a person on how to deal with it.. in this case, i'd assume the winner here would be an optimistic person since they're able to adapt and deal with the twists and turns.. anyway, a life wouldn't be a life worth living if there's no twist and turns, no?? sure you'll say that it would be better without the twists and turns but wait till you really experience that.. you'll be begging God for the twists and turns i assure you.. us catholics have a hymn for this..

Yes i thank you Lord,
for the trials that come my way
In that way i can grow each day
as I let You lead.

so to everyone out there, be it optimist or pessimist, emo or gothic or whatsoever, just leave it in the hands of your God and let him lead.. that way, you'll find a new lease in life and then as a whole, we'll thank God for everything..

well well, i'm gonna try draining two bottles of water now to see if it can make me feel better, though i'm sure i won't sleep after that because of the frequent visits to the toilet.. lol.. so i guess i'm off now..

if only i could understand you, and you can understand how it is for me, it will all be a dream

fever came back..

it's 12 something and i can't sleep.. not that i don't want to.. i can't.. my fever striked back after i came back from church and now i'm having a bit of trouble breathing so yeah, i can't sleep..

finally got someone to listen to me tonight though normally i wouldn't want to bug you with things.. it made me feel lighter.. so thank you.. and thanks for making me smile..

i'm hating this fever.. i feel worse then crap.. i can barely breathe and best part is i can't even walk properly..i almost tripped walking up the stairs.. thank God i didn't fell or it would have been a night in the hospital for me (considering the distance was quite far from top to bottom) though it would be fun to try spending a night in the hospital.. my whole body is hurting and i hope this stupid fever and flu combination will be gone asap..

when you need someone to talk to..

complains complains complains.. i'm always at the hearing end of complains.. i don't mind though.. not when it's not stupid complains.. but i am sick and tired of complains such as

1)my gf is one cm taller than me
2)my gf prefers cola but i like sprite
3)my mum wants me to study medic but i want engineering
4)i went so far to see her but she wasn't there

gosh.. get a life man peeps who complain this kind of stuffs.. what do you expect me to do?? you want me to advice you to cut your hair spiky so you'll be taller if not as tall?? you want me to force your gf to drink 100 cans of sprite so she'll fall in love with it?? you want me to tell your mum engineering has a better future?? you want me to look for her for you so you don't have to trouble yourself??

i don't mind to listen if it's really something that needs someone's listening.. nor do i mind giving advice if it is worth advising.. but the sole fact that those stupid complains are not important stands.. so please, i am sick of it (you know who you are)

when i sit down and think of it, i'm always there if people wants to let something out.. i'm always there to listen, to give suggestions.. but when i feel like letting somethings out, when i need to share, most of the time i can't.. no one will be there.. at least not the ones that i feel like talking to..

today's saturday.. i'd normally feel good in the evening after coming out of church but today it was different.. i'm bugged by some things.. i really need someone to talk to.. but it seems as usual, the ones that i feel like talking to, the ones that i know would make me feel better once i pour it out, are not there.. nice.. just nice..

anyway, i'm done with sharing and all this nonsense.. i'll keep things to myself.. simple.. then i wouldn't trouble those people to listen to me.. i can survive not sharing anyway..

and to all you who's always complaining to me, i guess you can just keep it coming.. seems like i'm born to be a listener rather than to get people listen to me.. so just keep it coming..

complains complains complains..

sick..

well well, it's 11 something.. a bit too early to be sleeping but for a sick person like me, it's a bit too late.. yes, i'm down with a bout of fever and flu (not swine flu i hope) my body's temperature way above average, my nose is running (not literally though it would be funny if it was), i'm coughing like mad and my throat feels weird..
anyway, enough on the sickness and now to what happened yesterday..

yesterday was the day results were released.. my first sem in INTI and i got 3A+ 1A and 1A-.. screw the A- there.. expected anyway because it was housekeeping.. never liked that subject.. stupid.. anyway, after i collected the results, i went out together wuth alven, china boy phil and han xiao.. we went to look for a wireless router.. or something like that.. we went to wisma saberkas and went around looking for it.. we went first to sri sarjana and then after checking it out, we went to PC Image.. phil found out that it was more expensive at pc image so we head back to sri sarjana and bought the stuff there.. can't remember how much it was though.. and it was there also while waiting for phil that alven told me he got the interview to study about sea navigation or something like that.. the interview will be held in Hilton on the 11th this month (gives me a good excuse to skip INTI class on that day and go for a day of fun in St. Joe form 6 as form 6 starts on that day.. so Mr. Thomas Lau, watch out for that incoming paper ball that will be thrown at you by me.. lol..)

once done with the suffs at wisma, we head back to INTI to settle the enrolment form thingy.. oh and alven got the la salle scholarship which is good for him.. covers his tuition fee for INTI's subject.. quite a good sum of money saved for him.. and he doesn't hate william tan anymore after being granted the scholarship.. when we were done, we went back home and there was a funny conversation going on though i don't remember what it was.. sure was funny though.. once i reached home, i went to my room and only went out of it to shower and to have dinner and supper.. i think i slept late cuz once again i couldn't sleep..

awoke this morning with my sickness and it's bugging me the whole day.. it's so bad i couldn't even make fun of my bro today.. just so lethargic.. the throbbing pain on the head doesn't help either.. heard a funny story from a friend though (well, maybe not funny but in a way probably it does) here it goes..

well well wellie well, i've a friend who's an avid gamer and he's got a girlfriend who's one hell of a gamer as well.. so it was no surprise when they got together.. the connecting tube was no doubt games.. lol.. anyway, they were always playing games together (dota especially).. then today, my friend got sick.. yes he was and i'm sure i wasn't the one infecting you.. lol.. so he didn't went to play with the girlfriend.. now he expected his girlfriend would be spending time messaging him but it seems she loves games more.. so he got pissed and as usual, the guy who would listen to complains would no doubt be me.. typical.. i should pursue psychology since i'm always at the tail end of complains.. lol.. back to my friend, he was so mad, he thought of arguing with he and ignoring her.. now this is plain weird.. he must be an idiot no doubt.. then again, is the girlfriend right?? or was he right?? anyway, i couldn't be bothered and came up with a conclusion that the monkey friend of mine should just be more patient with his girlfriend.. dumbass.. same thing happened to me tonight, but i'm not mad or anything.. so mr. J (you know who you are), don't behave like a little kid mate..

i feel like crap today and the worst part is i've no appetite to eat.. so how the heck am i supposed to gain weight like this???!! hoping to get well soon so i can start to try gaining weight.. lol..

-10 days left-