i'm leaving..

yes.. i'm leaving INTI, my home, my loved ones, kuching and then in the end, i'll leave malaysia.. found out about it just before 12 midnight on the day of my birthday courtesy of a phone call from cyril janting.. thanks cy..

mum and dad's ok with it.. mum's super happy cuz she now has bragging rights since i'm the first from my mum's side to be sent for overseas programme.. dad well, he never seemed like he cared.. here's what he was telling me the other day before jpa results were released..

dad: you've only got two options from here on
me: what??
dad: one, you get the scholarship and GET LOST or two you stay here and finish studying in INTI..
me: em, ok..

when i told miss sentha about this conversation when i went to her house yesterday boy did she had a good laugh.. haha.. seems like my dad got his wish cuz now i'm really gonna get lost from this place..

speaking of miss sentha, i went to her house yesterday to tell her that i'm leaving.. she was shocked and surprised at first, then probably a bit sad but she said she's happy for me that i'm leaving.. then we had some other topics of conversations before i left for church..

my friends were all happy for me that i'm leaving.. was at soho that night with some of my friends when i learned about the news i'm leaving.. told them and they were happy.. somehow that night i wasn't happy..

things change when you know you're gonna leave.. people's view changes.. seems like everything changes..

i had mixed feelings when i learned that i was leaving.. there are certain things that i'd really love to let go but there are some that i just don't want to let go but i'm forced to.. part of me insists on staying and another part is roaring to go..

i've settled on going anyway because i guess i just wanna leave this place and certain things.. thinking of starting a new life abroad.. it's gonna be a bit to painful to come back because of one reason.. so i'm thinking of not coming back at all during the years i'm away from here though at first i wanted to come back ocassionally during the long breaks..

life is indeed full of twist and turn.. i had hopes of leaving but never thought i'd get it.. now it's given to me, i'm hesitating.. hesitation, something most of us are accustomed with..

i've embraced the fact that i'm leaving and the fact of losing certain things because of this.. probably this is the best decision for me to make, which is to leave.. for every action, there are consequences.. and for my action of leaving, the consequences are losing certain things that i don't wanna lose..

there are many things that i need to do before i go.. hopefully i'll have enough time to do all the things that i wanna do.. waiting for the offer letter which should be coming by this week or next.. from there i'll know when i'm going and then i can start planning on finishing the things that i need to do..

losing you is a fact that i have embraced