lousy weekend..

well well.. it's been 3 days since the weekend ended.. anyway, here's how i got to spend last weekend which was a boring one.. but before that, wanna share some of the stuffs i did before that..

i spent few days of last week alone at home in the morning and i had to look for my own breakfast.. normally there's always buns or breads at home but somehow last week there wasn't any.. i resorted to eating instant noodles.. then i got bored of eating it just like that so i decided to play around with i.. so i somehow fried it and it turn out to be like some pie looking thingy.. here's the pic of when it was still in the pan and the final product..



the thing in the pan.. and here's the final product..



the taste was quite good (personal opinion, probably because i cooked it myself?? lol..)

anyway, that's about it with me and my lousy cooking skills.. and here's on the lousy weekend..

last weekend, i went to damai to spend the weekend there with my sis and her boyfriend and her friends.. it was supposed to be a family outing from my sidebut my mum didn't wanna go so that's how i ended like that..

so we checked in at about 3 something.. really weird when the front office girl asked us to pay a deposit of RM800.. weird considering that was the total for the two nights (actually 600 only but they needed the 200 refundable deposit) so my sis and her boyfriend head back to town and i went into the room first.. here's how the room looked like..






nothing much happened in the first night.. had steamboat for dinner.. tom yam flavour.. then i slept around 2 watching tv.. i was super bored and really felt like going back immediately that night but i had to endure another night.. total stress..

the next day, lucky me my good friend came over.. he was stressed with some stuffs so he wanted to just relax and so he came down in the morning.. so we walked down the beach and sat on some huge rocks.. so he started sharing and typical me always being the listener.. he was talking on some issues with the school band.. felt sorry for him cuz he was such a fanatic back during the days when he was in the school band but now the school band standard is really dropping.. he felt much better after talking to me and as i was bugged with my own problem, i shared with him.. i was still divided between medical or to remain in hospitality.. as usual, he gave no input but i just needed someone to listen.. lol.. then we went for a walk at some wooden thingy (don't know what it's called) and he started asking random question..

'why live when you can die??'

random and weird as it seems, it made sense.. i realised that everyone has their own reason to live.. got me to think, what was my reason of living?? typical jason.. enjoyed his company that morning.. before we went back to the room, we saw something cool.. some shell thingy was mating (don't get me wrong, i'm fascinated by the creatures that God made..)



and here's some other shots on the beach..



how i wish the ocean could've swallowed all my problems away..



where me and jay was sitting..

anyway, when we went back to the room, i tried to go online using my sis boyfriend's broadband.. didn't work so i got jay to bring me to town (gosh was i happy to leave that place) so we went about at around 12 something and it was a relaxing drive though a bit jammed at matang are.. before dropping me of to the cybercafe, we went to pick jay's girlfriend up.. they were gonna hang out together at the beach later.. so once we picked her up, they dropped me off at satok and they left to have lunch at spring.. once i was done with my thing at the cc, i had lunch on my own (pretty sad but hey, what else can i do?? lol..) jay picked me up at satok at around 2 something and he got me to drive back so he can chill with his girlfriend at the back of the car.. felt like driver, serious, but it was cool cuz he took me out from that boring place.. so i drove back and when we arrived, jay introduced his girlfriend to my sis and her boyfriend.. they hanged out in the room first, and around 4 they left for the beach together with my sis and her boyfriend.. i was alone on the room and i watched harry potter on tv.. i felt better being alone, don't know why though.. jay came back in around 4 something and left for good at about slightly before 5.. couldn't thanked him enough for dropping by in the morning and hanging out with me..

at night, i was supposed to go to buntal with my sis and her friends (they arrived that afternoon.. 5 of them) but i opted to go to aizat's birthday party instead.. so i got wan to pick me up, and in the car, boy was it funny.. now aizat didn't know about his birthday party as it was a surprise party and he was in the car.. so basically in the car, me and wan were creating stories to distract aizat from the birthday party thingy.. when we reached aizat's place, the lights were closed and aizat's dad lied saying electricity was down.. lol.. when aizat opened the door, boy did he get the surprise of his life when about 20 over people screamed HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! he cried after that, tears of joy..

i spent the time there talking to some of my classmates who were there and as usual, tried to liven the atmosphere by cracking jokes.. worked as i see al of them were laughing.. i even tried to be funny with some of the people that i don't even know and they laughed as well... here's some shots when aizat was blowing his cake..



looked like he was giving a speech.. i think he was though, otherwise the hand motion wouldn't be like that.. haha..



here's the cake after the candle was blown.. i think it was some chocolate cheese?? i can't remember..

and aizat's reaction after blowing the cake.. HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY MATE!!!



so after the cake blowing, we had some games.. i lost, big time.. i guess musical chair wasn't my thing after all.. lol..

after the party, we head out to bormill bing (me, theo, naz, fariz, aizat, fakhri, aizat's girlfriend, awang, amirul and a few girls... can't remember your names so sorry!!)

the funny thing that happened when we were getting there was that awang was following behind theo's car (awang rides a scooter) theo almost killed the guy, no kidding.. all because of the wrong road taken.. theo theo.. it got awang to say to theo 'where did you STEAL your license from man???!!' haha..

after hanging out at bormill bing, we went to mojo (me, theo, fariz, chan) met some other friends there.. fariz was excited cuz it was his first time being to this kind of place.. he took a shot of himself, as usual.. remminds me of the first time i brought him to versus nite.. it was a night i'm sure he'll never forget, not with the girls there.. right fariz?? lol.. we watched Man U vs Tottenham at mojo while drinking (fariz was drinking cola cuz he's muslim.. good boy fariz and i respect you mate..) after the first half ended, we moved to soho and fariz again was excited (his first time) we sat outside and randomly, a girl chose to sit beside me and she started touching me.. boy was i disgusted.. would've thrown shoes at her face if i wasn't a gentleman.. so i got theo they all to leave the place and fariz went back home and says next time, he'll wanna dance.. better start grooving fariz!!

theo sent me back to damai puri together with chan in the car.. thanks theo.. such a good friend he is.. i didn't take advantage of it though.. paid his gas fee.. so i was ok.. reached damai puri at almost three.. once in the room, i took a quick shower and slumped into bed.. couldn't sleep.. mind was still bothered.. fell asleep probably around 4..

when i awoke next morning, i was happy because i was gonna go back.. we left the place at around 12 something and boy was i glad when i reached HOME SWEET HOME..

that's about it on the lousy weekend i had.. i only enjoyed the part where i was hanging with my friends.. lucky to have such friends who could rescue you out of boredom when you're stuck at the other end of the world..



the best place to throw all your problems into, the big ocean..



if only one can always have a mind as clear as the water..

problem..

problem problem problem.. something that you will always find in life.. wish i could live a problem free life though.. but no, something else came about.. it's about making choices this time.. i'm in a situation where just few months ago i didn't have to worry about making choices..

i'm currently studying hospitality.. lots of people are saying i'm wasting my ability.. i never bothered because i never liked studying.. i can study and excel (proven considering i aced all the public exams) but the problem is i don't like to study which is why i resorted to hospitality cuz i thought i wouldn't have to put so much effort.. stupid me huh?? sure enough i'm doing well in hospitality without that much of an effort.. so i should be proud right??

then came a message from mimi this morning.. she said i should think of my future.. in which i did.. and i came to realise, its not worth to waste my ability (took me long enough) i'm thinking of changing to A levels now but but but the problem here is, where do i go after that?? sure i can be a doctor or an engineer.. but what if i don;t get accepted into any other institution after finishing my A levels?? i don't wanna be stuck with on A level cert only.. and i've been told the only option is private institution.. i'm not from a rich family and and i have a sis who is gonna pursue tertiary education same time as me (and i thank you cia aka my sis for not striving in form 5 and form 6 so now my parents have to find money for your education) not that i'm that good considering i'm still feeding from mum and dad's money to study but the least is i wanna change things now.. only God knows how regretful I am for not having the interest to study.. i still have jpa to look forward to but it's not medical or engineering, it's tourism (yes i know how stupid i am to apply for this after scoring 10a1..)

now i'm lookng for ways to see if i can get myself into the medical field.. tough.. and my mum is not being supportive by lecturing me on how she used to tell me i should have applied medical and all those nonsense.. but mum, you gotta realise your son here is indian and what are the odds of him getting medicine from jpa?? he's got a slightly better chance in tourism so i'll be thankfukl if you stop lecturing me on the application.. you said it yourself before that tourism is good and now you lecture me.. stress stress stress.. been a long long time since i was this stressed.. the only option i can think of is to go back to form 6 then from ther i'll see what i can do.. the prospect of not doing well in form 6 has never come into my mind cuz i believe i can do well in it.. just that i won't be abl to play around as much like now..

if only i was a bumi (thanks dad for NOT trying to change our blood status even though we qualify) IPTA would've accepted me to do medicine right after form 5.. then again it could be the government's fault since only bumi can apply for medical in IPTA aftr form 5(no kidding.. check the bloody IPTA application thingy) probably it's about time samy vellu start doing things for indians rather than worry about his fake hair looking good or not.. problem problem problem..

currently in damai puri now.. hoping to get some peace and some solution to my problem here.. i'm wondering now, as i'm sitting facing the seaside (the view from the room) why is it that hospitality don't get as much attention as medical students?? or lawyers?? or even engineers?? why why why?? weird.. but i guess that
s probably a norm here in malaysia huh.. sigh..

i'm thinking, to hell with studying medicine but but if i graduate with a medical cert, probably then i'll make my mum proud.. but lifeless considering you'll literally be married to the hospital.. so i'm still unsure.. as i'm watching the sunset, hopefully it will take my problem away and when the sun rise tomorrow hopefully it'll bring a better tomorrow..

WHY??

why you super happy to see me?? weird..

one of the why that mimi asked me before.. got a few other why but i can't remember.. she's probably having some other why's in her head.. i was supposed to share with her stuffs last sunday but i forgot what i was supposed to say.. so here goes mimi..

well well first is why i sayang you so much.. i told you that night that it's because of the particular feeling that i feel whenever i'm with you.. it was the feeling i had when i first realised that i like you.. i'm still feeling it now whenever i'm with you.. it's a great feeling mimi, serious.. that's also why i enjoy to kena tembak by you..

then you must be wondering why i'm treating you good.. not that i want to be your best boyfriend ever or whatsoever.. just one simple reason for that.. i love you.. that's it.. and trust me, i'm gonna continue treating you the same if not better, for as long as we're together..

i remember you rate yourself at 3 when i asked how hard are you making things for me.. but it's not that high mimi.. it's still 1.. i don't find it tough or difficult.. because i'm happy, really happy to be with you.. so obviously i don't find things difficult because for what it's worth, it's worth all the while, really..

i don't know if there's any doubt still in your mind though i don't blame you if you do.. like i told you when we first started, i was gonna continue convincing you and even if you're convinced already i'll still continue doing what i'm doing now and it will never stop for as long as we're together..

luck=God's blessing..

luck.. something that i always assumed i have.. seriously.. but today, something hit me.. is it really luck that has been helping me out?? is it really luck that has helped me excel in all the public exams?? is it really luck that i got a wonderful girlfriend?? or is it really luck that i used to achieve success in things i do?? i've come to realise no, it's not luck..

i realise it's more of God's blessings really.. was messaging mimi about praying and suddenly it hit me.. i've always prayed to God whenever i wanted something and somehow, most of it got answered.. excellence in public exams, the chance to represent the state in tennis, things i want and i asked for i usually get from God.. minus the petronas scholarship which i asked for but i didn't get.. mimi gave me a very good answer last night.. she said sometimes, when you don't get what you deserve, God will return it to you double fold.. and on the day i found out i got rejected by petronas, again she told me something which i'll always remember.. she said that probably God has something else planned for you..

was thinking that time that i was unlucky for not getting the offer but now i think differently.. i think that for everything that i used to deem unlucky such as not getting the offer, i think it's just God's trial for me in life.. there's no way one can live a life whose journey is so smooth.. no, not even a priest.. i'm sure they do get trials from God, just different then how it is with us though i'm sure everyone's trials are different..

now i come to a conclusion, for everything that i deemed to be luck before, now i think it was God's blessings on me.. for those unlucky things, it's God's trial for me.. i'm erasing the word luck from my dictionary because now i belive there's no such thing as luck.. it's actually God's blessing.. Praise the Lord, alleluia..

so to all of you out there, here's some advice..

Ask and you will get,
Seek and you shall find.

Do believe however, whenever you're asking or seeking for it.. then i'm sure, God will be there to help like he always does..

I'm gonna ask for something else this saturday.. i'm gonna ask him what's his plans for me in life.. mimi told me she's been asking but she never got her answer.. i'm wondering if the same will happen to me.. but i believe one way or another, God will let me know, in about 19 days i should know..

-12 days till i get to see someone-

holiday holiday..

semester break just kicked in and boy am i bored.. it's been 4 days since it began and i'm beginning to think that having classes would be more fun (typical everytime bored during holidays i'll wish for class and when class resume i'll want a holiday)

i only enjoyed last sunday so far during my holiday.. enjoy as in super happy and everything.. all because i went out with mimi that night :D picked her up around slightly after 7 at her grandma's place and went to sharing planet for dinner.. nice place sharing planet.. there i ordered something called supreme de vollaile and mimi ordered some spaghetti with white wine.. while waiting for the food, i learned something about mimi whenever she's eating at somewhere new.. lol.. while waiting for the food we exchanged stories a lil and i learned about her 'influential' next door neighbour.. haha.. when the food arrived we ate and ate and once done, i can't rememeber what mimi was talking about (i'm getting old i swear considering i'm turning 18 in less than a month time)

after dinner we went to taman sahabat and hang out for a bit.. when we reached there our usual spot got taken and there was no available pondok (wonder why people have to go out on a sunday night?? not exactly in a position to speak considering i'm one of them) so we resorted to sitting on one of those uncomfortable benches.. and guess what, mimi started eating again.. some biscuit thingy and boy was she fast.. the expression on her face when she was eating was momorable, considering i still remember it till now.. haha.. don't know whether it was luck but after she finished eating suddenly got one pondok with no one in it (so mimi, next time no pondok, start eating!! lol..)

so we moved there, super fast, running actually, seeing both of us ex sports person running there fast wasn't a problem.. haha.. can;t believe mimi ran faster than me :( was just giving you chance mimi, you don't bangga.. lol.. so we sat and started talking lo.. and as usual the kepit kepit and pegang tangan.. lucky she didn't start tickling my leg.. we stayed there till about 11 something then i became sleepy.. weird me huh considering it's the last date before she's going off for the holidays?? sigh.. so i dropped her off at jambu so she can meet her friend and i went back home to rest..

the following morning, i went to the airport to see her off.. went with fariz.. good man fariz really considering he's willing to accompany me to the airport.. met mimi for about 5 minutes and she had to go and accompany her grandma who was flying with her and i totally didn't know.. so when she left all i did was say bye (silly me don't mention it) after that i went to my secondary school to get some paper work to be signed and then went home to crash..

today today today.. i finally found the bible and started reading it.. i was fascinated with what i read.. they can actually live up to 950 years old before they die.. trust me, i never touched the bible before in my entire life.. bad catholic i know and i'm about to change that and the first step i'm taking is by reading the bible.. tomorrow i'm gonna continue reading and hopefully i'll become a better catholic after the holiday is over..

and and and, i just found out how racist petronas is.. considering they picked mostly malays with results worse than mine (i scored 10A1 and they didn't select me and my chinese friend who got 11A1 also didn't get selected) stupid petronas.. an indian friend of mine in malacca, prakash, who didn't get selected as well actually prayed for petronas oil to be finished.. haha.. funny dude you kash.. but i guess it's a norm here in malaysia where bumiputera are superior in terms if being given aid.. indians like me, chinese and other non-bumis, we can only strive to do our best but we will never be the best, not when everything is bumi prioritised.. so bumis, you can continue to slack and not worry and for non bumis, start bucking up and realise your chance of getting aid from government is low.. so to my brother david, who is a bumi, please don't stress yourself in your studies till you get sick cuz you'll always be aided by the government unlike your big brother here due to my indian status..

anyway, that's about it lo.. tomorrow i shall write on whst i read in the bible..

counting down 13 days before i get to see someone again..

'Best to be in the right circle, than to go around it'

last day exam..

well, yesterday was the last day of exams and i officially finished my first sem in INTI.. paper wasn't that bad (minus the fact i walked out of the exam hall after 50 minutes..) so i ended up standing outside the hall waiting for alven, phil and some other friends since we're supposed to hang out after the exams.. was a long wait since some of them only came out at 10 (when the exam was over).. super bored while waiting for them.. good thing was i get to see mimi for a while before she went back.. when they were finally out, so we went to kwong hup cafe to have breakfast..

there were 6 of us there.. me, alven, balkis, chun yen, phil and han xiao.. we had laksa there.. and boy was phil attacking the laksa like mad.. who could blame him?? it's so damn good!!



and here's a pic of how the laksa looked like (couldn't resist eating it first before taking the picture so..)



and here's some random shots as we were all eating..



chun yen looking stoned while eating laksa.. didn't know it had such an effect.. lol..



han xiao super focused with her food..



and phil trying to be funny to take a picture of me..



alven and balkis.. lol..

and last but not least, the loving couple from china, phil and han xiao..



so after breakfast we went the supermarket with phil and han xiao.. kinda fun walking around with phil considering he's super sporting.. lol..

that's about it for the morning part.. in the afternoon there was a debate meeting (thank God otherwise it would have been tonight which would totally ruin my date with mimi..) meeting was about the inter inti thingy.. so bla bla bla and meeting over so i went back before going to church..

in church, the priest was none other than Father Nicholas Ng.. during his sermon, he spoke so long the whole church was restless (no kidding).. and due to his long sermon, i end up poking fun at him with my mum (unbelievable i know..) my mum actually said this,
'this guy ah, you throw him at the roundabout and he'll go round and round not knowing his way even if it's right in front of him'.. lol.. didn't know my mum had such sense of humour..

when the mass was finally done, we went out for dinner (whole family minus my dad since he's running some Toastmasters convention).. there, from a happy mum i had a grumpy mum.. all because of my bro gluttony while eating.. trust me, super embarrassing when my bro starts attacking the food like mad as in 10 years never eat.. speaking of my bro, there was a random conversation between him and my dad the other day..

bro: Di(we call my dad, Di) i'm fat(he was eating some bun after supper)
Dad: Huh??
bro: I'm fat
Dad: I know you tired edi.. go to sleep go..

and out of the blue, from fat my dad says he's tired.. weird.. but typical.. since my dad always wrong channel one.. ahaha..

speaking of my bro, he got selected for debate.. surprising but bad news.. he can't debate.. since he practically doesn't know anything on the motions.. and he doesn't have the initiative to try at the very least.. David david.. it's about time you start learning how to be like me la.. lol..

anyway, back to the night event.. after dinner i went out with mimi.. YAY!! we hanged out for a while at taman sahabat talking, getting tickled(you know who's at fault mimi) looking at aeroplanes and sharing random things like how enthusiastic i was with tennis back in the days (mimi would know, unless she forgotten which would be typical.. lol) o and i met her cousin, who supposedly was my sister's classmate in primary school.. can't remember who she was though i'm sure she looks familiar..

so after that, i sent mimi home before 11 cuz i was supposed to go out with friends again after that.. ended up in soho and i met mimi (just see her) was having a good time talking with friends when there was news that there was a raid so with me being underage, decided to leave so as to not land into hot soup..

basically, that's about it for my last day of exam.. looking forward to tonight's date with mimi :D

random posting here

boring boring boring.. had it not been for the exam tomorrow i would've went out tonight.. but but exams first, considering i wanna finish top in class.. lol.. anyway, got bored of studying (totally dead, there's still so much to study and i'm in front of the laptop) but who cares.. when a boy's bored he's bored..

well, first i wanna talk about my mum lo.. today my mum took me out for lunch.. been a long time since i actually went out with her to eat considering most of the time she'll just pack something for me.. had an ok time i guess.. but sometimes, i think she loves the dogs more than me.. lol..



she can shake the dog's hand but it's been a long time since she shaked mine.. even when i came back with an ok result in SPM she didn't shake my hand.. does she really love the dog more?? i wonder.. haha..

anyway, was cleaning my room the other day.. guess what i found.. my old pillow that i used to have to have when i was a kid or i can't sleep (no kidding) too bad it became headless when it was brutally assaulted by the dog.. it used to have a name.. mimik i used to call it.. now it's headless mimik :( here's what's left of my poor good old mimik..



may you rest in peace in my cupboard good old mimik..

besides the good old mimik, i found this shirt that i used when playing tennis back in the days.. the friendly games with indonesia.. those were the good old days when i was active.. now reduced to a lazy bum.. lotsa memories when i was there for the games..





and here's a random pic of my cat, kitty.. this old cat.. love her so much la.. haha.. reversed superman pose kitty..



and another random pic would be my kindy pic hanging in my room..



had a bit of mixed feelings when i saw this pic.. was thinking how that little boy over there has grown so much and so fast (considering i'm in colllege now)..

anyway, that's about it for a random post.. a bit depressed now (weird, considering i don't get depressed often) am i not me??? i wonder.. maybe it's just me being tired ( not only cuz of exams, but also something else that's been hitting me in mind) anyway, gotta get back to studying.. boring.. but but maybe i won't study but sleep instead.. then tomorrow will come faster and i get to 'see' mimi :D

kk trip (super lagging) pics mostly..

well well.. exams almost over so i'm taking a break from studying to post some nonsense on the kk trip (super lagging i know but hey, i'm MALAYSIAN and we're supposed to be slow.. lol..) juz gonna upload some pics and so.. here goes..



here looks like me and junaidu aka jd was about to fight but we're cool.. homeboys as jd would call it..

and here are some pics on the boat we took to manukan island.. wish i had pan's picture when he was shutting his eyes.. haha.. but i'll just utilise what i have..



pan's looking cool here.. probably the only time he was looking cool on the boat.. haha.. and as usual miss sentha, photogenic.. haha..

then we have pius and jd.. jd looks stoned here.. lol..



then finally i have a pic of me, mimi and fatimah..



moving on i have some pics on when we went around kk looking for bak kut teh.. pan's favorite this one.. haha..

when the food was served, should've looked at how mimi attacked it the foodaholic.. ngeheh.. pan was so scared he covered his eyes.. lucky i was playing with my phone.. lol.. gotta see the pic yourself then you'll see.. haha.. kidding only le.. pan was rubbing his eyes cuz he was tired.. lol..



not wanting to lose to mimi, it was my turn to attack the bak kut teh.. was super hungry.. brilliant battle with mimi and i'm super focused.. check out the facial expression and you'll see how intense i was.. lol..



after the long battle over bak kut teh, i emerge victorious.. ngeheh.. check out the pose of a 'champion'.. lol.. proud la i beat mimi in makan makan.. wahaha..



that's about it lo from the human side in kk.. now moving on to animals..
so many kittens in the lodge and were they super cute.. got one to si on my lap and took a picture.. haha..



and here are some shots on the kitty themselves..







that's all i have from kk.. slow slow slow.. oh wait, there is one more pic.. ngahaha.. me looking at mimi drawing her trademark.. lol..



well well.. that's about it i guess.. and touching a bit on today.. not really a good day today.. nothing exciting.. compared to last night, super happy happy.. haha.. boring day today.. anyway, looking forward to saturday cuz it's last day of exams.. then gonna hang out with phil, boy china.. haha.. so saturday, come come come..

When I..

When I first saw you,
it was through the open debate
and you looked like someone who resembled fun(first impression)
When I first spoke to you,
you asked me my name
and I finally got to know yours as well.
When I first got to really know you,
it was through the fund raising thingy
where we would talk and talk while making cards for sale.
When I first got to hang out with you,
it was in KK during our debate competition
where I end up spending most of the time with you though we were just friends.
When I first realised I actually liked you,
it was when we spent two whole hours by oureselves talking
and there was that feeling that I have never experienced before in life.
When I first asked you out,
I dreamt of nothing but to make you happy
smiling and laughing as if you have no problem in life.
When you first held my hand,
there was a feeling that I can never describe
how I wish that you'll always be there with me to hold my hand.
You are indeed someone special
but yet what did I do??
I made you cry.
When I found out you shedded tears
because of me not sharing things
I feel so bad and I really regret.
How I really wish,
to turn back time
to prevent all this from happening.
And now,
though you say you're fine,
I'll always feel bad and will never forget,
When I first made you cry..

bad day 2..

well well... was bad enough i didn't do that good in my exam.. did something else which i so totally regret.. feeling so bad i can't even look at myself in the mirror (no kidding).. how could i do such a thing??

all because of my habit of keeping things to myself.. not that i don't want to share, i'd love to share.. if only you were to know what's running inside.. but i just can't bug you with more things.. you have more than enough on your plate.. but it's because of this mentality i made you cry.. a you shedding tears make me feel bad, but a you shedding tears because of me?? how i wish someone would just take a gun and shoot me dead.. you mean a lot to me, you really do.. i don't care if you don't believe what i say but yes, you really mean a lot to me.. but what did i do?? i made you cry..

i'm a baddie baddie for all this.. if i'd known it's this bad i would've share.. funny how sharing is not something hard to do but i just can't do it.. sometimes i feel as if i'm taking you for granted and i don't deserve you.. i'm sure others wouldn't make you shed tears for not sharing.. if only i can turn back time, for sure i would want to prevent you from shedding tears.. but what's done is done and though you say you're fine, i'm still feeling bad over it..

and now i'll share.. i'm not fine now because of this.. and i can assure you you can't expect me to be.. all i ever wanted to do when i asked you out was to make you happy.. but end up i'm not doing a good job and at the same time making you cry.. so sorry..

i am now counting down to sunday because on that night, that's the night that you'll probably finally understand me and how i really feel about you and how i wanna make things different for you..

bad day..

hah.. bad day today.. super bad.. started my finals and it was kitchen.. sure practical was easy but theory, slightly tougher than expected.. keeping my fingers crossed i'll scrap a 90 so i can finish up with an A+ in this.. doubt it though.. her are a few pics on how it was before we sat for the exam..



phil as usual, with his favourite statement before exam, 'wo hen nervous'.. lol.. doesn't look like he is, the tall colourwolf.. lol..

then we have another great guy, xiao tong.. funny boy who loves messing up my hair and peeking when i'm messaging though he doesn't understand.. haha..



guess who's next?? hui nieng eating while waiting for her turn.. the silly girl.. made everyone who's nearby feeling super hungry only.. she was nice to offer me some but i reject le.. don't wanna bug her enjoying her food.. plus, it's vegetarian and i'm carnivore..



that's about it lo for the exam.. regretted in a way i didn't put in that much effort to study.. otherwise i would have scored superb i know.. but no point regretting.. tomorrow is gonna be another bad day in exams for sure..
sigh..

disappointment..

well, the day started of bright (literally in the sense the sun was shining bright) and i went about my usual business before class.. the only one regret i had was to log on the computer and to check whether i had been accepted by petronas or not.. guess what, i didn't get admitted.. sure i got the jpa interview but it was the petronas one that i wanted so badly.. had i been accepted i would be going to ipoh, somewhere near to where she would be.. but nope, God has other plans for me.. petronas rejects me and now i'm stuck here in INTI and counting the days before someone leaves.. not that it's all that bad since she said she ain't giving up (miracle considering she said before she would and once she's made up her mind it'll stay that way.. lol..)

feeling as though my luck is running out, something just isn't right.. before this everything i've done has always been smooth.. take for example the jpa interview.. 15000 applied and only 8000 was given the chance.. and i made the cut.. just imagine how lucky is that.. now it seems my lucky strikes are coming to an end..

moving on to the slightly better part of the day.. was in hilton for my class and well we had some fire drill going on (big scale) which was fun.. takes the mind of things.. check this out..



here i have a picture of how it was.. was nice to look at all the people smiling.. feels like you're living in a world full of optimistic people.. then here's my beloved instructors (sehirah and rumit) in housekeeping.. couldn't help but catch their picture.. lol..



and here's a picture of my china friend, or phil as we call him.. was busy catching the scenes on how the firefighter supposedly put out the 'fire'..



that's basically about it on the fire drill.. was nice to get out of class once in a while for such things.. lol.. oh, and here's a picture of another friend of mine, alven when we were at McD after having Bak Kut Teh..



done with the random-ness and back to the day.. well, after class i felt much better cuz we were really having a good time today (me, alven, nyko, chun yian, phil, sarah and xiao tong.. fooling around in parkson.. haha..)

basically overall today i learned a couple of things.. one is definitely never ever put your hopes up high on things, not especially when you're running out of luck.. two, it's about time i start relying on my own efforts more than the lucky strikes i've been having ever since primary 5.. besides i also learned something else about myself.. which is i guess i can really look at things positively.. i mean sure i did it before but now i know the positive-ness in me is really positive..

supposedly i havta study considering my finals are next week but the typical last-minute study me will pull through with or without the luck.. confidence in myself.. lol.. actually have a poem in my head but i guess i shan't post it.. not good in poetry.. lol.. guess i shall blog about something else tomorrow, which i believe is gonna be a superb day cuz i'll get to see someone.. haha..

18 years..

18 years have i wandered
not for a knight in shining armour(i'm not gay.. lol..)
but for a light that can make me warmer.
18 years have i wandered
with no sense of direction whatsoever
and i am still looking, for a golden toilet.
18 years have i wondered
when will i ever be un-wondered
probably when i've reached the age of a hundred.
18 years have i tried
to talk to a girl who can't smile
but failed cuz she'll chase me away making me run for miles.
18 years have i searched
for an apple that is red
only to discover that the red apples are just under my bed.
18 years have i took
to finally learn how to cook
hard-boiled eggs without looking at the recipe book.
18 years has it been
since i actually last seen
a movie without any scenes??(can't think of what else that rhymes.. lol..)
18 more years and i will know
whether when i'm 36 i can still show
my hair that never seems to grow.
18 more years will i take
before i can finally shake
a milkshake by a beautiful but ugly lake.
18 years have i try
to jump of a cliff and fly
but i never dared due to the fact i would die.
18 more years and i will cry
listening to the sounds of kids in the house
running up and down like a cat chasing a mouse.
18 years have i attempted
to never be tempted
only to find out i'm always exempted.
18 years and i'm still searching
for that little bit of lightning
that would make my skin a lttle bit more shining.
18 years and i am still hoping
that by doing a little bit more jumping
i can be as tall as James the Wrapping.
18 years have i been trying
to be a little less nonsense-ing
but a little more of Burger King eating.

sunday sunday sunday

well it's a sunday today.. didn't accomplish much.. started of the day sleeping at 3 a.m. and waking up at 7 something before going to bed again till 10 something.. would have continued sleeping till noon had the stomach not complained of hunger.. so down i went for breakfast and i got told off by my parents for waking up late.. typical.. i get it almost all the time ever since i retired from tennis... lol.. after breakfast i took my shower and then followed my mum to collect her stuffs.. was to make up to her for not accompanying her to the market this morning (i'd normally wake up and follow her to the market on a sunday) so we went and came back around 12.. then i decided to cool my room up so i blasted the aircon at 18 degree Celcius and the fan at speed 5.. so it was pretty cold inside there.. made the brain freeze.. left it that way till i went down to go online.. and now i'm blogging on a no-achievement sunday.. i shall make sure that next sunday will be a bit better in the sense of achievement.. lol..

sorry God

sunday sunday sunday.. a day of rest and to do God's work.. i completed the former but the latter?? didn't even do a single thing about it.. rest was sufficient.. slept til ten something in the morning.. and after that should've spent some time to try and do God's work but guess what, i didn't.. am i suppose to feel bad over it??

now there are 2 ways to look at it.. some will say 'ya you should feel bad over it..' and some wil say 'it's fine.. God won't be mad over it'.. now there are ways to look at the 2 different answers that was given.. those who say i should, did they themselves did God's work on sunday?? or are they just filthy hypocrites?? the 2nd answer, how would they know God won't be angry?? but i'm sure they're right though.. God wouldn't get angry over this.. if he would then in the first place he wouldn't send Jesus to save us.. And i quote: For God so loved the world He gave his only Son Jesus Christ to save us..

probably i shouldn't feel bad but i think i should and i am.. reason being is because He has helped me out so much.. I was born with no physical disabilities, raised in a complete family, given some talent in sports (tennis-played for state till i got bored after form 3) given a slightly above average brain (straight A's student in all public exams) able to enjoy life (clubs and all sort of nonsense), saved from the negative activities like smoking.. sure they were some problems such as when my parents almost divorced due to my dad's financial trouble back when i was in form 2 (lasted till beginning of form 4).. but the fact stands that He has given me more good things in life than bad.. sure i did help out in a few church activities when i was super active in YCS back in form 4 and 5 but now, nadaa.. zero contribution.. the only contribution i give is being present during mass once a week and when donating during collection.. which i'm sure is nothing compared to what He has done for me..

considering all the above, i realise i should change.. it's about time to kickstart and regenerate the Christian life.. and the first step i shall take would be to read the bible(something i have never done for the past 18 years of my 18 years of life) during the upcoming semester break.. from there i shall see where i can move on to next.. sorry God for the delay..

15 days..

15 days have passed,
somehow it feels longer than that
it’s as if I’d known you forever.
15 days have passed
and I’ve experienced the 4 seasons
spring, summer, autumn and winter with you.
Spring is a new beginning
Just like when I was first with you
On 20th March 2009.
Summer is where all the fun is
Just like when you and me were laughing about
The things no others will laugh at.
Autumn is a moment of silence
Just like whenever we run out of things to say
And just end up looking at aeroplanes (Taman Sahabat)
Winter is when things were cold
Just like when we came back from the student’s lounge
Yesterday night with both our spirits down.
15 days have passed,
and I long to see you smile
and laugh with all you heart.
15 days have passed,
and I’m sure given 15 more years
I’ll break through your stubbornness
I am very sure with the sole equation of
1+1=2
2+2=4
and faith+positve=MiGi
15 days have passed
and we know we're complete opposites
you're pessimist and i'm optimist
you're negative and i'm positive
but it's these differences that keeps us attached
just like a magnet,
rejecting like poles but attracting opposite poles.
15 days have passed,
and many more will pass.
However with you leaving and with me who might as well,
the days are numbered and becomes countable.
With the clock ticking all that i can ask from God is
to be given more summer time with you
and if winter do have to come, may it be after
a long long summer.